Happy & Rejoicing . . . or NOT

Haven't been on here in such a long time. There's been a few struggles in the meanwhile with raising a child with autism. There's been successes as well. 

Today is the first day of public school. It's a bittersweet feeling for me. I homeschooled the kids for the last 3 1/2 years. I feel that I failed in some aspects but was quite successful in others. The sense or feeling of failure comes from not being able to accomplish all that I wanted to expose the kids to. I wanted them to truly have a hands-on approach to education with focus on project learning. Child #7 did very well. She is very much an avid learner. Child #6 had learning and behavioral difficulties that got in the way of his learning.

You may be wondering, why send them to public school. Due to the difficulties with Child #6, I feel that I have lost my enthusiasm and desire to continue homeschooling. I reached my limit or, some may call it, "burned out." It would not have been fair to continue in this manner. It wouldn't have been fair to my daughter, who thirsted everyday for learning challenges and it wouldn't have been fair to my son, who needed more than I could give. I have no concerns regarding his behavior at school because he always reserves misbehavior for home and family. Lucky us!

"Speak to the Child"

Listening to the LDS 183rd General Conference, I was, particularly, touched by the talk given by the Primary President. Her words, "speak to the child," touched me in a way that was necessary at the exact time that was needed. In my particular situation, "the child" happens to be a 22 year old daughter who is graduating from the university this coming May. Even though, she's 3000 miles away from me, we've been arguing and have been at odds over her personal life and the choices she's made. Yesterday, it came to a head, with me "calling her out" and speaking to her in terms that, I believed, would make an impact. I've been hurting to see the child I've raised living in a situation where she was not doing her best for herself. Family members are anguished over her situation but, all feel at a loss about how they can help without imposing. As a mother, I don't give up on her or her situation because I know the child I raised.

"Speak to the child" led me to examine my heart and really think about this. My child has a good heart, knows right from wrong, good from bad. She's always loved her family and loved herself. Why was I promoting conflict with my own child? Was this supposed to be my role? NO! My child needed me and what I needed to do was to "speak to the child."

I, promptly, texted my daughter and invited to a video-call and asked her what time would be best for her. No response. Then, those words, "speak to the child" resonated within me and I texted again. I told her that I didn't want to argue, just to converse, and I told her I loved her. She responded, "Okay, fine, after work." And, she said she didn't want to fight, either and ended with, "I love you too."

I don't think that when the Primary President spoke those words she was referring to our adult children but her words spoke to my heart about the child I have raised. I, sincerely, believe that God gives us what we need at the time we need it and, today, I received what I needed to start repairing the relationship I have with my daughter. "A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child." These words are so true. And other inspirational words,

“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

Truer words have not been spoken!